Transparent Eyelids, Please - Scandal!

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Saturday, December 10th, 2005


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12:14 pm - Scandal!
About a week ago I was sitting in a movie theater at 1 AM listening to a lecture on the history of the Carvel cake company (don't ask) and that rekindled my long-standing resentment for what I perceive as a shameless attempt to fleece the American consumer every holiday season.

Here it is.

Ready?

Carvel's Santa Claus ice cream cake is nothing more than a redecorated Fudgie the Whale.

No, seriously, look:



Apparently the good folks at Carvel thought no one would notice. As if. The hat's a stupid shape, the beard's all wrong, and everything about this screams "I'm Fudgie turned sideways, ho ho ho. Merry Whalemas." For years, every winter I've ranted bitterly and foam-flecked about this at anyone too stupid to back away slowly while avoiding eye contact. And I always cast the Carvel corporation as the bad guy, of course; sort of the Enron of frozen baked goods.

Imagine my shock, then, to discover that Carvel is not the only baked goods corporation guilty of reusing existing shapes for their Santa-themed holiday comestibles. While Anya and I were at the mall yesterday, I snapped this terribly-lit phone pic of the display case at Mrs. Field's Cookies:



Not only is it an insult that Santa is just an inverted Valentine's heart, but it's also more than a little disturbing that this blatant recontextualizing of geometry has yielded a representation of Santa whose beard apparently has D-cup cleavage.

C'mon, the poor guy schleps toys down millions of chimneys every year-- doesn't he at least merit his own cake and cookie shapes?
mood: angryangry
music: The Damned - There Ain't No Sanity Claus

(4 appendages | add a limb)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:bruisedhips
Date:Saturday, December 10th, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC)
(Link)
that bottom heart Santa looks more like a buxom cat version of Mrs Claus to me!
[User Picture]
From:nebris
Date:Saturday, December 10th, 2005 09:03 pm (UTC)
(Link)
The Mrs. Fields version looks like a Sodomize Me Santa. ;D

~M~
[User Picture]
From:mendel
Date:Saturday, December 10th, 2005 09:54 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Yeah, unquestionably Jolly Old Saint Ass.
[User Picture]
From:lilacgrrl
Date:Saturday, December 10th, 2005 10:24 pm (UTC)
(Link)
ROTFLMAO!

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